Usually, people treat online dating like a job search. We browse potential options, wonder whether they meet our criteria, wonder whether we’re qualified, and then make our applications. Then, we interview (and/or send nudes) and set up a meeting.
Finally, you go on a date, and, in all probability, it’s, like, fine. Depending on how drunk you get, something might happen, or not. And, when the drama concludes, you just get right back on your phone and continue the process.
According to the experts at the Join Me Tonight app, this is—and we can’t emphasize this enough—exactly the wrong way to do things. It’s totally backwards, and it’s probably responsible for the fact that most people find online dating depressing.
Here’s what you should do instead: just meet people. Why?
Don’t Choose Matches Based on Profile-Crafting Skill
When we browse dating apps, we’re not really examining people, as they truly are. We’re just looking at a bunch of advertisements for human beings, written by those human beings. It’s a two-dimensional sketch.
And when one of them looks enticing, it doesn’t mean that this person is a great lover or friend. What it means is that they’re amazing at selling themselves. They’ve got an elevator pitch that’s good enough to get you out of bed.
While this is a stunning achievement, sales skill doesn’t equate to relationship skills, or chemistry. Otherwise we’d tell you to only date women who work at Gucci stores, or car salesmen. (Disclaimer: we have nothing against such people.) This is not a good way to find the ideal match.
So, what’s a better way of determining whether someone is a good match? Uh, meeting them, obviously.
Chemistry Is Elusive
Besides a great profile, there’s one other asset that potential matches can earn your message with: sheer hotness. We all know that even if someone’s profile seems like it was written by a barely literate person who can’t even use AutoCorrect, the right set of pictures will get us to message them anyway. But, tragically enough, great pictures don’t lead to attraction. Attraction is mysterious.
You know this already, right? We all meet hot people at school or work or wherever, and our heart leaps and we start dreaming about a shared life, or just a shared bed. And then we talk to them and something’s off. Maybe there’s just nothing to talk about, or there’s some element of compatibility that’s missing. It’s just not working for you.
Now, if you just met this person in a bar, this would be clear immediately. But if you meet this person off an app, by the time you meet them, you’ve already wasted hours of your time. You have better things to do.
Don’t Spend Your Life on Your Phone
Speaking of which: the point of life shouldn’t be spending time on your phone. You should be having a fun life, because, well, YOLO, and because people who have interesting lives are just more attractive.
However, most dating apps are designed to be addictive. You spend hours swiping, not because it’s a great way to meet people, but because it gives you an addictive little jolt. It seems like you’re dating, but you’re actually just playing a video game.
For all these reasons, we designed Join Me Tonight to be a way to meet people, not a way to hang out on your device. We can’t guarantee that you’ll meet your future spouse or find the best sex you’ve ever had. What we can guarantee is that you’ll be encountering people in the best way possible: by actually meeting them. Let’s get going.